


sneak out the back door, we don't have to say goodbye

by alexenglish



Category: One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Small Town, Bonfires, Car Sex, Casual Cissexism, Communication, House Party, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 15:48:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13461444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexenglish/pseuds/alexenglish
Summary: Mineola didn’t keep secrets, didn’t have surprises. It was routine, and simple, and Shawn was used to it immediately.Until Niall Horan came home for a visit.





	sneak out the back door, we don't have to say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1000_directions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000_directions/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH! here's that Hendes I keep whining about <3
> 
> this is set in Steph's [American Truck Stop AU](https://archiveofourown.org/series/857580). you don't have to read that to know what's going on here, but you should anyway because it's the best. title from Shawn's song [Kid In Love](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/shawnmendes/kidinlove.html) which is pretty perfect.

It’s nearly dawn, late enough to be early and too early to be awake. The cold-damp feel of the wooden porch is seeping through Shawn’s jeans, and he can’t imagine being anywhere else right now. Not with Niall across from him, watching Shawn as he picks out a miscellaneous melody on Shawn’s old guitar, small smile playing on his lips.

The rosy shine of dawn is coming up over the horizon, lightening up the moody grey sky. All that’s left of what was a truly impressive bonfire in the newly built fire pit at casa del Tomlinson is charred wood and cigarette butts -- and half burnt drink umbrellas, and two cans of beer, and a sock. 

They’re not the only ones awake but no one’s paying them any mind, half-asleep or drunk still, paired off themselves. Niall’s cheeks and nose are bright pink. Shawn reckons he’s not in any better shape, breath ghosting out in front of him whenever Niall makes him laugh.

It’s like Shawn can’t _stop_ laughing -- buzzing off Niall and barely able to think for it. Not _actually_ buzzing. Been there, done that. Shawn’s mostly sober, but he’s still unable to stop staring at Niall, stop grinning at him. It’s been like this all night, really.

Shawn got to Louis’ (‘New Year’s Eve Bonfire Extravaganza’ is what the text said) late, coming from a closing shift at the garage, and everyone who drank was already drunk. Including Niall, and Louis, and Bebe

They were the first people Shawn saw when he got in, blocking the end of the hallway to the kitchen. Louis had his arm around Bebe’s shoulder and his other around Niall’s waist, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth while Bebe laughed hysterically. 

A genuine feeling of panic crashed through Shawn before he saw that the three of them were under a dried up sprig of mistletoe leftover from Christmas. That realization, and the realization that Niall was willing to kiss another boy, made Shawn’s spine loosen considerably. 

Not that he would get to have an opinion on whatever Niall did with whoever, but he’d been looking at Niall for weeks and he was pretty sure Niall had been looking back. Tonight was Shawn’s opportunity to wiggle in close, see if anything came of it outside of shy smiles and flirty conversation.

The corner store’s entire liquor stock was on the counter of Louis’ kitchen at that point. Shawn got blitzed with a lightning round of shots courtesy of Bebe’s cat calling, caught up with the others quick enough and attached himself to Niall like a limpet. 

He’d be embarrassed, but Niall spent as much time with his arm around Shawn’s waist as Shawn spent with his arm around Niall’s shoulders. He definitely sat in Shawn’s lap when they were drinking beer and shooting shit around the bonfire. It was definitely his idea to be beer pong partners the entire night. And he was definitely the one to lead them up onto the roof so the two of them could polish off a bottle of whiskey all by themselves.

Shawn was definitely the one who caught Niall around the middle and tugged him close, though, pressing him up against the wall under the mistletoe. Niall laughed against his lips before tilting his head up for a kiss, and Shawn kissed him until they were both breathless, dizzy with it.

“Christ, been wantin’ to do that since I saw you,” Niall said, when they pulled apart.

“Shoulda done it sooner,” Shawn said, chasing his mouth for another kiss. He let Shawn lick past his lips and arched into Shawn’s body, little moans just loud enough for Shawn to hear over the white noise of the party.

Shawn was about ready to drop on his knees and blow Niall right there in that hallway, fingers on Niall’s fly, but Niall pulled away and laughed, shaking his head. Shawn dropped his hand and grinned abashedly. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean like --” Shawn shrugged.

“Later,” Niall said, winking. He pressed a firm kiss to Shawn’s lips and pushed off the wall, making Shawn pull back so there was space between them. Niall’s eyes were bright, and his cheeks were pink, and his mouth was red, and Shawn was so into him he really needed there to be a later. 

Apparently, this is later.

“Let’s go for a ride,” Niall says, smiling softly as he finishes a song that Shawn doesn’t recognize. Shawn wonders if he wrote it. 

“Sure, anything,” Shawn says, standing. His legs are numb from the cold, joints stiff from sitting too long. Niall’s secret smile turns into a grin as he stands as well, following with Shawn’s guitar. 

Bebe picks her head up off Louis’ shoulder when they pass in front of the TV. Louis is asleep, head thrown back and mouth open, one hand still tangled up with Bebe’s. She blinks at them slowly, then smiles. 

“Guest bedroom’s open,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows at them. Shawn feels his face go hot. Niall laughs, way too loud for how quiet the house is. Louis groans, head listing to the side, but Shawn’s positive he’s sleeping. Bebe giggles.

“Got plans, but thanks,” Niall says, winking. He leans Shawn’s guitar up against the end of the couch, angled so no one will trip over it or accidentally kick it.

Niall grins at him, secret tucked into the corner of his smile, and leads them past the line of boots and pile of coats from the people who are still there to get to the door. When they get outside Niall tangles his fingers with Shawn’s like he wants to make a habit of it, so unexpected Shawn’s stomach flutters, full of butterflies. 

Shawn didn't expect anything about Niall, if he’s being honest. 

It’s been nearly a year and a half since Shawn moved to Mineola. The transition from Kansas City to a speck of a town in the middle of nothing was easier than Shawn expected. The job worked out fine considering there was one garage to choose from and they were eager for an apprentice. He learned the names of everyone important and had a regular order at the diner within the first week. 

That was it. Mineola didn’t keep secrets, didn’t have surprises. It was routine, and simple, and Shawn was used to it immediately. 

Until Niall Horan came home for a visit. 

“Where’re we goin’?” Shawn asks, as they walk down the driveway.

There’s at least a dozen less cars parked along the side of the road and in the shoulder than there were last night; long, empty stretch of pavement between the house and his truck since he was one of the last ones there.

Niall shrugs, making his way towards Shawn’s truck, “As far away as we can get without getting too far away.”

That makes Shawn laugh out loud, following quickly so he can pull the driver’s door open for Niall. Niall ducks his head and slides across the bench, smacking Shawn’s visor down so his keys drop onto the seat.

“Jackass." Shawn snatches them up with a grin. No reason to pretend like he isn’t completely charmed by everything Niall does. There’s too much magnetism, and laid-back likeability, and sunshine comin’ through Niall’s smile. Just enough hidden away behind sleepy blue eyes to leave Shawn wanting _more_. 

Wanting more, and not knowing what to do with it since Niall is going to leave again, back to his apartment in Nashville and the recording schedule he set for his EP, and Shawn is going to stay in Mineola for as long as his grandpa needs him. Nowhere to go with it, he told himself, no point in pursuing something with a set ending.

It might be worth it though, with the way Niall’s body felt underneath his when they kissed under the mistletoe. 

Niall doesn’t specify where he wants to go, so Shawn heads south towards the creak. The sun rises on their left, surprisingly bright and golden for this time of year. It’s still cold as hell, but there isn’t fog thick enough to sit on. Shawn counts that as a win. 

They don’t talk much on the ride out. Shawn reckons they exhausted a lot of topics of conversation over the course of the night, but he’s alright with that. The silence between them is comfortable as the radio plays quietly, white noise of the heater underneath it. 

They take a dirt road through the bare trees. There’s nothing around. No one around. 

“Stop here,” Niall says. _Here_ isn’t anywhere, but Shawn listens and pulls off to the side. They’re not too far from the water. There’s trees around them, but it’s more or less wide open. 

Shawn throws the truck into park and looks at Niall expectantly. Niall’s already looking back, something like a smirk playing on his lips. His eyes search Shawn’s face for a moment, soft and intriguing. 

He must like what he sees because he leans forward and presses a sweet kiss to Shawn’s lips. 

“What’s that for?” Shawn asks, dazed.

“Being you,” Niall chirps, before gracefully climbing over the center console into the back seat. 

Shawn laughs, twisting to look at him. Niall winks. 

“What’re you doing?” Shawn asks, already pushing up out of his seat to follow Niall back. Shawn’s too damn tall for it, he ends up awkwardly pulling his legs through and ending up half on Niall’s lap, but he can feel Niall’s chest vibrate with laughter, so he think it’s alright. 

“More roomy,” Niall says, arching an eyebrow as Shawn settles next to him, behind the passenger seat now. 

“Okay.” 

Niall watches Shawn for a moment, making Shawn’s heart pick up a bit. Shawn wants to know what Niall’s thinking, but he doesn’t ask. He waits for Niall to speak. 

“Don't come back much, y’know,” Niall says out of nowhere, as he leans forward and pulls the lever on the driver’s side, pushing the back of the seat forward so the headrest is kissing the steering wheel. “Don't have a reason to besides Bobby, ‘n he'll come to me if I ask nicely.”

“Why not?” Shawn asks, doing the same for the passenger side. There's a bit more elbow room in the back now. Shawn watches as Niall leans back against the seat, hooded eyes looking out over the field before he looks back at Shawn.

“It’s better there,” Niall says. 

“Most places are better than here,” Shawn admits. It’s easy to settle, but there’s something about it that’s stifling. Usually Shawn can feel it when he thinks about being here for too long. It’s a dragging feeling, like an undertow, so he usually doesn’t dwell, but he’s had leaving on his mind ever since Niall got here. 

Niall nods. “C’mere,” he says. 

Shawn listens, rearranging himself so he’s got one hand on the back of Niall’s seat and the other on the door, boxing him in. The look on Niall’s face is enough for Shawn to take the intuitive, ducking down to press a kiss to Niall’s lips. 

Niall inhales through his nose sharply and gets his hands on Shawn’s jacket, pulling him down so his weight drops and they’re pressed together a bit more. Shawn’s foot is under the front seat, and his knee is pressing into the seat edge too hard to be comfortable, but he tries not to think about it as Niall licks into his mouth, moaning. 

Niall lets his jacket go and pets down his stomach, slipping under the edge of his shirt, tentatively touching his hips, fingers cold enough to make Shawn giggle into Niall’s mouth. Niall makes a muffled noise and grabs at Shawn’s hips more deliberately, slides his hand up Shawn’s side. 

His fingers play over Shawn’s ribs like guitar strings or piano keys, tapping and strumming, before his nail catches on Shawn’s nipple, scratching over it. Shawn hisses happily, arching with the sensation.

Niall keeps touching him, slow and deliberate in a way that makes Shawn’s skin feel hot and tight, head spinning. 

Shawn has to lean back after awhile, hands aching from the way he’s gripping the seat and the door. He shakes them out. 

“We need a better way to do this,” he laughs, fitting his hand over Niall’s hip. He never thinks about the fact that Niall is smaller than him, but it’s hard to ignore with the way he covers Niall so completely. “Might be a better fit if you got on top of me.”

“Probably,” Niall agrees, watching as Shawn arranges himself on the opposite side. They’re both sitting up, watching each other. The half-guarded expression on Niall’s face makes Shawn’s stomach drop a bit. 

“What is it?” he asks. 

“Can I show you something?” Niall asks after a moment, more serious than Shawn has seen him. 

“Sure,” Shawn nods, trying to think of what Niall might want to show him. Probably not his dick, considering how carefully blank his expression is. Shawn’s stomach twists up in anticipation as Niall shrugs and -- 

Shrugs off his jacket, tugging his shirt over his head quickly. He lets it drop to his lap. Rolling his shoulders back, he looks out the window again as Shawn looks at him. Pale, soft stomach dotted with beauty marks. There are two scars. Both start on either side Niall’s sternum towards the very bottom and extend back to nearly his armpits. 

There’s a moment of silence. 

Niall swallows, adam’s apple bobbing sharply, as Shawn breathes out an, “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah, _oh_ ,” Niall says, laughing dismissively. It sounds a little wooden, a little too forced. “I didn’t want to tell you when we were drunk.” Niall shrugs, picking up his shirt again. 

Shawn catches Niall’s wrist gently, making him go still. “Were you worried I’d care?” Shawn asks, heart racing. He thinks he can feel Niall’s pulse too, quick and insistent under Shawn’s fingertips. 

“Not really, kinda?” Niall says, looking at Shawn’s hand with a frown before he looks up at Shawn with soft blue eyes, cheeks red. “ Sometimes that doesn’t work out so great, so like. Some people care... Most people.”

“Most?” Shawn echoes. It catches at the bottom of his throat, like an absurd half-thought. He’s not that naive, but it’s Niall. Niall is Niall. Why would anyone be bothered by the way Niall is Niall?

“I dunno if you noticed,” Niall says, shaking Shawn’s hand off his wrist. Shawn lets him go, warmth sinking to the bottom of his stomach when Niall tangles their fingers together properly, shirt forgotten. “Most people don’t use my name. They just call me ‘the Horan kid.’” 

“Yeah,” Shawn says, frowning. “I thought it was a nickname, or whatever, something people call you because you _are_ ‘the Horan kid.’”

Niall laughs. “Yeah I am, but it didn’t start until after I came back,” he says. “I moved to Nashville to pursue my wildest dreams… And to have better access to resources. Small town Mineola wasn’t thrilled when I came back two years later with a deep voice and no tits.”

“What about your dad?” Shawn asks. 

“Bobby’s good people,” Niall says. His grin is genuine and sweet. “Bobby’s good people, and Louis is good people, and his family. Bebe seems like good people…” Niall trails off, meeting Shawn’s eyes. 

“I’m good people,” Shawn says readily. “Great people, even.” He laughs and tugs Niall in so he’s more on top of Shawn. He slides his hand over Niall’s hip to hear how his breath jumps when Shawn touches him. “Great people wondering why we stopped kissing.”

“I was learning you somethin’ about me,” Niall drawls sarcastically. He rolls his eyes, but there’s laughter in his voice as Shawn pulls him in, sliding his hand up his side so he can press his thumb to one of the scars. 

“Thanks,” Shawn says, as sincerely as he can. It means a lot that Niall would explain. That he’d wait until they were sober to explain. That Shawn wanting him matters enough to warrant this conversation in the first place. They could have made out like teenagers at the party and nothing else, but this is deliberate. Shawn knows it’s important. 

They stare at each other for a beat before Shawn gives in, “Did you want to kiss again?”

The tension in the air evaporates as Niall laughs delightedly. “‘Course I want to kiss you,” he says, swinging his leg over Shawn’s so he’s straddling Shawn’s lap. “Want to blow you, too.”

Shawn chokes on air. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Niall says, leaning in to nudge their noses together. 

Shawn tilts his head so their mouths slot together better, melting from the way Niall’s pushes his hands through Shawn’s hair, tugging at the back a bit before he drags his fingertips over the back of Shawn’s neck. 

It’s the littlest thing, but it makes Shawn’s whole body feet _hot_ , especially with his hands on Niall’s skin and Niall’s weight on top of him, thighs tucked tightly on either side of Shawn’s lap. 

They kiss like that for ages, until Shawn’s desperately hard and Niall’s rolling his hips down, and laughing at the way Shawn whines against his mouth. 

Niall takes pity on him and scoots back, smacking at his hip until Shawn’s pressed into the corner of the back seat, legs spread diagonally. Niall wiggles into an uncomfortable looking kneeling position without incident, clever fingers on Shawn’s zip. 

“Don’t touch my head,” Niall says, smirking up at Shawn. Shawn closes his hands into fists with a groan. “Don’t move your hips.”

“Bossy,” Shawn says. It comes out as gravel, scraping out of his throat as Niall tugs his jeans and briefs down.

“You have no idea,” Niall replies looking completely charming and totally smug right before he leans in and licks up Shawn’s cock. 

He knows exactly what he’s doing when he looks up at Shawn and swallows him down -- mouth stretched wide, cheeks pink, eyes hooded and dark under fluttering lashes. It’s wet and tight, and absolutely perfect. 

The only reason Shawn doesn’t come in two seconds is because he has dignity -- and he’s concentrating so hard on keeping his hands to himself when all he wants to do is touch Niall’s jaw, the corner of his mouth, grip his hair tight --

Niall gets his fist around whatever doesn’t fit into his mouth, spit slicking up Shawn’s shaft and wetting the circle of his fingers and the back of his hand. The cab fills up with filthy noises and Niall’s little hitching moans around Shawn’s dick. 

It doesn’t take much longer for Shawn’s to come, too wound up from kissing Niall for so long, but Niall doesn’t laugh at him, just swallows around his cock and wipes his mouth on the back of his wrist with a cheeky grin.

“Shit,” Shawn says, breathing heavily as Niall helps him get everything tucked away and situated.

Niall ends up sprawled on top of Shawn, hands on Shawn’s face as he tugs Shawn into a filthy kiss, licking into Shawn’s mouth like he’s got something to prove. Shawn tugs him in, hands on Niall back so he can feel the soft flex of his muscles every time Niall shifts. 

“Gimme your thigh,” Niall mumbles, against Shawn’s mouth.

“What?” Shawn laughs, pulling back. Niall rolls his eyes.

“I need like --” Niall wiggles down, shoving a knee between Shawn’s legs so he parts them and Niall’s straddling Shawn’s thigh. His eyes flutter a bit as he rocks his hips down. “Friction.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Shawn says, making Niall gasp when he grabs Niall’s hips tight and drags him closer. “Didn’t know what felt good.” Doesn’t know what Niall’s working with, but he doesn’t know if he can ask yet.

“I’ll let you know.” 

Niall moans as he rolls his hips again, leaning forward to kiss Shawn. His fingertips press into Shawn’s shoulders as he grinds down. 

It’s warm underneath him, sweat prickling at the back of Shawn’s neck, but he loves it, loves how hot Niall is for it, grinding so earnestly against Shawn’s leg. Shawn drags his hands up Niall’s side, scratches his thumbnail over one of Niall’s scars. 

Niall’s hips stutter as he inhales sharply. Shawn pulls away and grins, sitting up a bit. Niall whines and humps down pointedly, but Shawn ignores him, biting at his pec before leaning down and swiping his tongue over Niall’s scar. 

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Niall whimpers, hips squirming. He grabs at Shawn’s hair, twists his fingers in it. “Keep doing that.”

He was going to, but -- “Yes sir,” Shawn snorts, propping Niall up with a hand between his shoulder blades and setting his teeth to Niall’s skin. Niall doesn’t say anything cheeky, too busy gasping quietly as Shawn tries to find the most sensitive parts of his chest.

Not so much the nipples, but they do get a few really great sounds out of Niall. It’s the surgery scars that get the most reaction. Niall pants, and wriggles, and hisses as Shawn licks and bites. They’re thin and softer than Shawn expects, so he sucks a hickey over one, pleased when he pulls away and there’s a big red spot lingering on Niall’s chest. 

“Okay, okay,” Niall whimpers, pulling Shawn up by his hair for a kiss. It’s messy and desperate, and Niall grinds down against Shawn’s thigh _hard_. 

“Wanna make you feel good,” Shawn says, lying back the way they were, making sure Niall has his thigh at the best angle possible. Niall’s nodding as Shawn grabs his hips again, pulling them in and pushing them back roughly to get a noise out of him. 

They keep going for a bit, each kiss getting hungrier and more desperate than the last until Niall pulls back with a grunt and looks down at Shawn with bright eyes, teeth biting into his bottom lip. 

The light coming through the window paints him gold. Shawn’s never see a boy as beautiful as Niall Horan. 

“You can touch me,” Niall says quickly. “Like --” He laughs a bit and shrugs. “My ass, just don’t -- just teasing would be good.”

“Yeah?” Shawn asks, stomach swooping, equal parts excited as hell and terrified he’s going to fuck it all up somehow. He drops his voice low and grabs at Niall’s hips again, trying to sound more confident about this whole thing that he feels. “Want me to touch you, babe?”

He expects Niall to laugh at him, but Niall just nods hastily before sinking back down to meet Shawn’s mouth in a kiss. Their tongues slick together as Shawn runs his hands down Niall’s back, tracing the waistband of his jeans. 

There’s not much room between the denim and Niall’s skin. He spends too much time thinking about how he’s going to get his hands down Niall’s pants, he nearly misses it when Niall reaches down and undoes the button, giving Shawn enough room to shove his hands down the back of Niall’s briefs and grip his ass, hitching him up so Niall’s front drags up Shawn’s thigh and he has to bend further to keep kissing Shawn. He gasps against Shawn’s mouth when Shawn spreads him and teases at him with a finger tip, circling soft and slow. 

“Oh, motherfuck,” Niall whimpers loudly, back arching out so Shawn has more room. Niall moans and face plants into Shawn’s shoulder, one hand tight in his hair, the other twisted in his jacket. “Drop your thigh.” 

Shawn doesn’t even think, just listens and collapses his leg, feels the way Niall gets his arm between them hastily. 

The waistband of Niall’s jeans goes tight as Niall shoves his own hand down the front. Niall picks his head up and kisses Shawn again. Shawn can feel his arm and hand moving, feels the way Niall is going tense above him. 

He keeps his grip on Niall, keeps teasing him as Niall’s kisses get sloppier and his hips twitch, forward and back like he doesn’t know which sensation to chase. Niall gets quieter and quieter, until it’s just the sound of their panting and their clothes shifting. When Niall comes, he bites Shawn’s bottom lip roughly, moaning low in his throat. 

They untangle slowly, hands sliding out of Niall’s pants, breathing harshly.

Niall giggles first. Just a little laugh at first, light and easy. Shawn has no idea why, but he laughs along, burying his face in Niall’s neck. 

It’s hot in the car, humid and sweaty, but Shawn doesn’t want to let go of Niall to turn the heater down so he lives with it, pressing his lips into the hollow of Niall’s throat just to taste the warmth of his skin. 

“Nashville’s great,” Niall says quietly. His fingers play with the hair at the nape of Shawn’s neck. Shawn tightens his hold on Niall. “Good for music. Plenty of opportunities, like. Might be a place to check out once your grandpa doesn’t need you anymore.”

“Might like that,” Shawn admits, trying to ignore the feeling blooming behind his ribcage for this boy he barely even knows. “If you wanted me there.”

“Think I might.” Niall pulls back to look Shawn in the eyes, hands cupping Shawn’s face. His eyes are lit up blue from the sun spilling into the cab, watching Shawn with a careful curiosity that Shawn feels deep in his bones. His thumbs sweep lightly over Shawn’s jaw as he smiles. “Definitely might.”

**Author's Note:**

> [reblog on tumblr](http://queerlyalex.tumblr.com/post/170049719917/queerlyalex-sneak-out-the-back-door-we-dont)


End file.
